For people wondering when this pandemic will end, the fastest way out is with drugs we already have, but they are too cheap. Luckily Big Pharma is here to save the day. Who knows when an extra methyl group, or a hydroxy add-on will find the drug we’ve all been waiting for — one that works like Ivermectin but costs so much more!
Thanks to the Babylon Bee.
After several successful rounds of trials and a quick overnight approval from the FDA, Pfizer proudly announced they will be releasing a brand new, never-before-seen COVID drug “Pfivermectin.”
“It’s important to understand that this drug is nothing like Ivermectin, even though Pfivermectin rhymes with Ivermectin and it pretty much does the exact same thing,” said Pfizer CEO Hans Pfizer. “Everyone knows Ivermectin is a widely discredited horse drug, and ours is not. Very important distinction there.”
Experts say that taking two doses of Pfivermectin every day at the first sign of COVID symptoms could lessen the severity and duration of the infection. Ivermectin will do the same thing, except it may also turn you into a horse and make everyone laugh at you. Not good!
A Pfizer spokesman also confirmed that their drug will be approximately 30,000% more expensive than Ivermectin.
Back in the real world, the news on Reuters five days ago:
Pfizer, Merck launch new trials of oral COVID-19 drugs
Pfizer said its latest mid-to-late-stage trial will enroll 1,140 non-hospitalized adults diagnosed with coronavirus infection who are not at risk of severe illness. Patients in the trial will be given Pfizer’s pill, known as PF-07321332, and a low dose of ritonavir, an older medication widely used in combination treatments for HIV infection.
Pfizer’s drug is designed to block the activity of a key enzyme that is needed for the coronavirus to multiply.
Merck said its new trial will study experimental drug molnupiravir for the prevention of COVID-19 among adults in the same household as someone diagnosed with symptomatic coronavirus infection. Merck and partner Ridgeback Biotherapeutics are already conducting a late-stage trial of the treatment in non-hospitalized patients to see if it reduces the risk of hospitalization or death.
Catchy name that: PF-07321332
So it supposedly blocks one enzyme Covid needs. Shame it doesn’t bind to the spike, act as a zinc ionophore, and work as an anti-inflammatory too. But at least the patent hasn’t expired.
With profits to power it, Pfivermectin can get through any regulatory authority.